did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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