Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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