So drunk its hurt
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
