My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
