I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
