i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
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