Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
