watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
