last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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