didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
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