i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
