Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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