No awkward lesbian experiences without me
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Randomize
