you guys were way drunker than both of me
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
