I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Someone signed my nipple.
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