Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I CAN MOONWALK!
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
