So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
