i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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