tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
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