he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
