Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
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