he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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