Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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