then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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