Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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