Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
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