That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
