Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
