I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
