I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
