They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
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