i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
