Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
