Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
