Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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