In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Randomize
