It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Someone signed my nipple.
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