I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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