i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
