So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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