I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
