OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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