I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
