**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
