We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
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