The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
