Banned from zoo.
Again?
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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