was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
