I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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