I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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