and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
